There is nothing wrong in feeling bad!
by Jelena Duma
June 21, 2011

Most of us put our attention on how to feel good, how to become stronger and happier, how to overcome fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, grief, envy, jealousy…There are so many movements in modern and popular psychology that focus on positive attitudes and future goals. In spiritual disciplines, the same is achieved with connection to the spirit and Higher Self. And there is no doubt that when you focus on the positive, your mood changes and uplifts you, and you become more energized.  

However, if there is a focus only on the positive and how to achieve our goals, we miss our present moment and we easily live in denial. If we seek only spiritual connection, we lack grounding and connection to our real life.

The truth is we don’t want to feel pain and hurt. We would fight and deny our difficult feelings rather than to feel and show how vulnerable we are. We distract ourselves from the feeling: watch TV, browse the Internet, work, party, sex, eat, consume substances, or get depressed and stop functioning. As pain is uncomfortable, it also becomes uncomfortable when we eat too much, drink too much, over extend ourselves at work, rage, overdose etc.

Sometimes “bad” feelings are there to teach us about ourselves. For example:  envy can show us something that we need and are not getting, the unfulfilled part of ourselves. Sadness can take us to the time when we were hurt and remind us that we need to heal our past wounds. Loss and grief can be catalysts for a big life change that is underway.

Allowing ourselves to honor our feelings can bring a profound transformation in our lives. It can build new relationships with ourselves, where we can learn how to love ourselves in new ways. It can make us more real. And most importantly, we begin to understand who we are and what our purpose is.

The real warrior knows how to handle and manage feelings and he/she has built in acceptance. When we learn to tolerate and approve of ourselves, we do the same for others. That gives us grace and curiosity. Great listening skills come from listening to ourselves. True self esteem comes from understanding and knowing who we are. All our relationships are based on the relationship with ourselves. And without our emotions, a deep connection with ourselves is not possible.

Steps to connect to real You:

• Once a day simply explore what you feel. Make a note of it. You can write, draw, compose music or dance with it. Any expression is good. Acknowledge what you feel without trying to change it.
• If you feel overwhelmed, learn how to manage your feelings through creative expression, therapy, support group, meditation, Yoga etc. Take a workshop or class on learning how to become self-reflective.
• Understand whether you cover your real feelings. Take a look at your daily schedule and see how much you focus on everything but yourself. Then, acknowledge how much time you spend each day with yourself. See if you can make any adjustments in your daily schedule in order to have more time for yourself.
• Allow your fear, pain and anxiety to change your thoughts and beliefs and shift you toward your purpose. Use them as signs and helpful hints to unblock any mental or physical barriers that are keeping you from achieving what you want and need.
• Feel like a warrior - it's courageous to feel the pain without turning away and doing something else. Know that you are strong enough to handle it.
• When you connect to your “bad” feelings, you also connect to your passion, joy and happiness in a deeper way. You know that peace is always there, too.